I've got my head but my head is unravelling, I've got my heart but my heart’s no good.

lunes, 5 de diciembre de 2016

The drought was the very worstWhen the flowers that we'd grown together, died of thirst.
It was months and months of back and forth, you're still all over me like a wine-stained dress I can't wear anymore.

There was nothing left to do. 
When the butterflies turned to dust, they covered my whole room.
So I punched a hole in the roof, let the flood carry away all my pictures of you.
The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud, but no one heard a thing.

Ten months sober, I must admit, just because you're clean don't mean you don't miss it.
Ten months older, I won't give in, now that I'm clean, I'm never gonna risk it.

The drought was the very worst,
When the flowers that we'd grown together died of thirst.

Rain came pouring down when I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe.
And by morning, gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.

Finally clean, 
Think I'm finally clean, 
Think I'm finally clean.

martes, 26 de julio de 2016

You cannot break a mangled thing

One. Your father speaks of his youth with revelry; spills his life across the table like an overturned drink covering everything. Your mother, doesn’t speak. Any stories of her premarital life come from your father’s mouth. He speaks of how he tamed her, saved her from a life of reckless abandon; clipped her wings to keep her from flying too close to the sun, but Icarus would’ve just as soon drowned than burned, and the silence in your mother’s mouth is a salt water darkness. She does not speak up to defend herself.
Even now, years after their divorce your father’s voice can fill a room and your mother still makes space for it. When your mother teaches you not to be swallowed she is already sitting in the belly of the beast she once loved. You wonder if she has grown to love the darkness like she once loved the man.
Two. The day you learn the importance of emergency exits is the day your heartbeat stops sounding familiar. It is a stuttering tongue, a trembling hand. Your heart beats like closing doors, beats like your father’s fading footsteps, beats like every plea you will learn how to swallow; don’t go, don’t go, don’t go, don’t. Your father teaches you how to be the first one to walk away, leave before they realize you are not worth staying for.
Three. When your mother tells you not to be afraid of falling in love, you do not miss the way her hands shake, you wonder if they miss the handcuff weight of the ring that used to rest on that finger, wonder if you too will fall in love with a padlock-man. You begin to be wary of boys with birdcaged hands; they have mouths like oceans, and your mother is still wringing sea water from her bones.
Four. You master the art of slipping away by starting small. Fix your body clock so you always wake up first, plot escape route like past time, force your heart to beat; just go, just go, just… Practice on the ones you love most, that way nothing can hurt you. 
You cannot break a mangled thing and you don’t know the last time your heart sounded like a heart

Five. He tells you you eat like a bird. You tell him your mother taught you well. He laughs and reaches for your hand, you smile and begin to slip through the cage of his fingers.
Six. When boys begin searching for hospital-room-hearts you warn them yours is a broken glass bottle. They don’t care, or they don’t hear you. They cut themselves on sharp tongues, trying to make finger paintings with the blood on their hands -make it sound so beautiful you almost believe them.
Soon you know they will wake up with scars and blame you, so you leave them a bandage in the dark and don’t look back. Leave, before they realize you are not worth scarring for.
Seven. You see every outstretched hand as a palm preparing to drown you, so you sink further underwater and ignore the burning in your chest. Run your fingers over every name that has left your mouth for the last time and tell your self you have done the right thing.


She said "I don't know if I've ever been good enoughI'm a little bit rusty, and I think that my head is caving in.
And I don't know if I've ever been really loved, by a hand that's touched me;
well I feel like something's gonna give, and I'm a little bit angry..."

She said "I don't know why you ever would lie to me, like I'm a little untrusting, when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya...
And I don't know why you couldn't just stay with me, you couldn't stand to be near me; when my face don't seem to want to shine,
'cause it's a little bit dirty, well...

Don't just stand there, say nice things to me...
'Cause I've been cheated, I've been wronged,
and you, 
you don't know me, oh and I can't change. No I won't do anything at all."

domingo, 3 de noviembre de 2013

All that I'm after is a life full of laughter... 
As long as I'm laughing with you.                                      

jueves, 29 de agosto de 2013

The first time I saw her...

The first time I saw her...
Everything in my head went quiet.
All the ticks, all the constantly refreshing images just dissapeared.
When you have Obsesive Compulsive Disorder, you don't really get quiet moments!
Even in bed, I'm thinking;
Did I lock the door? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
Did I lock the door? Yes.
Did I wash my hands? Yes.
When I saw her, the only thing I could think about was the hairpin curve of her lips, or the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek—
the eyelash on her cheek.
I knew I had to talk to her.
I asked her out six times in thirty seconds.
She said yes after the third one, but none of them felt right, so I had to keep going.
On our first date, I spent more time organizing my meal by color than I did eating it, or fucking talking to her...
But she loved it.
She loved that I had to kiss her goodbye sixteen times or twenty-four times or if it was Wednesday.
She loved that it took me forever to walk home because there are lots of cracks on our sidewalk.
When we moved in together, she said she felt safe, like no one would ever rob us because I definitely locked the door eighteen times.
I’d always watch her mouth when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked
when she talked;
when she talked—
when she talked—
when she talked
when she talked;
when she said she loved me, her mouth would curl up at the edges.
At night, she’d lay in bed and watch me turn all the lights off.. And on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off, and on, and off.
She’d close her eyes and imagine that the days and nights were passing in front of her.
Some mornings I’d start kissing her goodbye but, she’d just leave cause I was just making her late for work...
When I stopped in front of a crack in the sidewalk, she just kept walking...
When she said she loved me her mouth was a straight line.
She told me that I was taking up too much of her time.
Last week she started sleeping at her mother’s place.
She told me that she shouldn’t have let me get so attached to her; that this whole thing was a mistake, but...
How can it be a mistake that I don’t have to wash my hands after I touched her?
Love is not a mistake, and it’s killing me that she can run away from this and I just can’t.
I can’t – I can’t go out and find someone new because I always think of her.
Usually, when I obsess over things, I see germs sneaking into my skin.
I see myself crushed by an endless succession of cars.
And she was the first beautiful thing I ever got stuck on.
I want to wake up every morning thinking about the way she holds her steering wheel.
How she turns shower knobs like she's opening a safe.
How she blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out candles—
blows out…
Now, I just think about who else is kissing her.
I can’t breathe because he only kisses her once he doesn’t care if it’s perfect!
I want her back so bad...
I leave the door unlocked.
I leave the lights on.

sábado, 8 de junio de 2013

I like my body when it is with your

I like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
I like your body.  I like what it does,
i like its hows.  I like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm- smoothness and which I will
again and again and again
kiss, I like kissing this and that of you,
I like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric furr, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly I like the thrill

of under me you so quite new.

                                                           E.E. Cummings

miércoles, 3 de abril de 2013

When you wish for something to happen...

Normalmente cuando deseas demasiado algo durante mucho tiempo, al momento de obtenerlo sucede una de dos cosas: 
O no es nada como te lo esperabas o es mucho más de lo que te imaginabas. De cualquier manera todo se termina yendo a la mierda, dejándote con una sensación de "¿Pero qué carajos acaba de pasar?"

viernes, 15 de febrero de 2013

And here we go again.

"-Suddenly there are days where I can't stop worrying, fidgeting, awkward, in place.
>>And then, there're those other days, where I just lay helplessly in his arms, dozed off, like his eyes contain tranquillizer, and the way he looks at me and holds me close make me feel truly loved... And his heartbeat lulls me to sleep and everything is fine... Everything's fine...
'Till he's gone.
And there we go again."

viernes, 1 de febrero de 2013

Even if he wasn't good enough, could she be mad at him when she sees he's giving the very best of himself to be so? And she sees that he tries as hard as he possibly can, but even then, it isn't enough. The fact that she noticed this and can't be mad doesn't mean she's bound to put up with it. But she would, because she loves that boy to the very bones. Wich makes the whole sittuation even sadder...

viernes, 21 de diciembre de 2012

If the world were really, actually ending tomorrow, I'd like your voice sweetly, tenderly humming in my ear as you held me close, to be the last melody I heard before it all went down...

domingo, 7 de octubre de 2012

I can still feel you hold my hand, little man
And even the moment I knew...

Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here
Out of this curtain room and this horrible grey, we'll just disappear
Come on baby with me we're gonna fly away from here

What if I'm standing in the closet trying to talk to you?
What if I kept the hand-me-downs you won't grow into?
And what if I really thought some miracle would see us through?
What if the miracle was even getting one moment with you?

I see your bare feet down the hallway
I love you to the moon and back...

sábado, 22 de septiembre de 2012

Ese momento en el que hablas de algo que solía matarte por dentro, pero ahora no es más que un recuerdo desagradable. Y mientras las palabras salen de tu boca vos mismo te escuchás y pensás "Que horrible que suena, ahora que lo digo en voz alta", cuando al vivirlo no parecía más que una mala racha. Y sonreís, al hablar de esa deprimente situación que viviste, sonreís, porque ya no te sentís así. Y un sentimiento inunda tu pecho y respirás hondo, las lágrimas asoman a tus ojos y puede que alguna ruede por tu mejilla, tensa por la manera en que tu boca se abre en la sonrisa más grande que jamás mostraste al mundo. Te sentís vivo. Te sentís libre. Encontraste la felicidad. Y ahora te das cuenta que no era tan inalcanzable cómo parecía.

TEATRAL (histrionico)NADA
TRAVIESO (anti-social)NADA
MANIATICO (obsesivo-compulsivo)MUCHO
SUMISO (dependiente)NADA
TÍMIDO (evitativo)NADA

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